Nonviolent Communication, Conflict Management & Disagreements

I am no one special. Just like many, I encounter disagreements on a daily basis. Recently I encountered a disagreement with my mom during a very stressful time in our families lives. In her way to deal with the emotion she lashed out at me and got very angry. Because it is my mom, I was very torn about how I should move forward. I have known people in the past to just cut them loose regardless of who they are. Without going into details, I will say that I am very warranted if I so choose this route, however, it is not me and goes against my beliefs. So, I have chosen to evoke the strategy of Forgiveness. It is hard. “Forgiveness does not condone, excuse, or allow me to forget their transgressions or behavior, but it does allow me to reduce the reaction I choose to engage in” (O’Hair, Wiemann, Mullin, & Teven, 2015, p. 235). This strategy puts me in control and still allows me to live my life in a way that pleases me. I am choosing a nonviolent conversation to have with my mom. I am sure the relationship will be different from now on. I am sorry if you cannot relate, but I ask that you do not judge my decision, especially since I have not given total details. I have always said that I love my mom and will not always like her decisions but will always love her but the last disagreement we had crossed the line way more than any of you can comprehend. Also through the third side positioning, I sympathize with how she feels and understand that her behavior is based on how she is dealing with a personal family matter, however, I am going through it too, and as a way to collaborate with my mom, I will do what I can when and how I want to from now on (The Third Side, (n.d.). This may not please her but I have to do what pleases me.

          I have shared this situation with several people to include colleagues I trust and admire. They are in disbelief but understand my positioning. They also agree with my decision. I don’t want to stop communicating with my mom but see that I first have to forgive, perhaps walk away like a timeout, but still can communicate but in my time and terms. This is a hard decision for anyone to make. Emotions are high and can play into my decision. I have consulted several people as to what my path should be and this seems to be the best solution for my mind, spirit, soul, and emotions.

          When we disagree, we should take time to reflect, consult with someone and just talk it out with someone else. Their insight and outside perspective can be very helpful as to what should be your next step. I am glad that I have supportive people around me to help, cause I know if I had to make this decision alone it could be bad, wrong and regrettable. Nonviolent conversations are great but if emotions take over, it could no longer result in nonviolent. While we would all like to make compromises sometimes the opportunities are not always there. In every situation, the best solutions may not be the same each time.

References:

O'Hair, D., Wiemann, M., Mullin, D. I., & Teven, J. (2015). Real communication (3rd. ed). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

The Third Side. (n.d.). The third side. Retrieved from http://thirdside.williamury.com/