Closing of a Class

I just want to wish everyone in my class the best as we continue on this journey. I just want to say thank you for all those stopped by my blog and made posts. Also thank you to those fellow classmates who are going through this journey with me. I appreciate your time, input, and experiences. I appreciate the opportunity to learn and grow with and from you. Thank you for the support and words of wisdom. They really have helped me through my journey. Whatever it is that this class leads you to, I hope that it helps you accomplish your dreams and know that You can make a difference. Good luck to you and may God continue to guide your steps!!

Adjourning

            When you work in a group sometimes the hardest and best times are when you say good-bye and the project is over. I see it like a job you have been working at for years. It is bitter sweet. Groups “adjourn or disband when a project or task comes to an end” (O’Hair, Wiemann, Mullin & Teven, 2015, p. 249.

            In the past when I have worked in a group, it was bitter sweet. I was glad it was over but am gonna miss the good things. I tend to be a bit of a control freak and want things to get done on time, etc. So as a result, I will take on more than is fair or I should as a result. And no one is gonna stop me because that means less they have to do. So really, I am hurting only myself. I am a people pleaser, so me to say no is hard. Even in my current job, I have been told that things happen to me because I allow them to. They are right, I don’t know any other way. I see it as, which battle to choose, this just isn’t one of them. And, there are worse things I could do or complain about.

            I think that groups where communication was hard, and expectations were not laid out ahead of time is easier to adjourn. Even if the expectations were laid out but not met, those groups in my opinion are not hard to leave. They do leave an impression though and are ones that you never forget but still glad that you will not be a part of it any more.

            While I enjoy working with others, but because I tend to move and leave so often, all groups really are bittersweet to me. However, the hardest pairing I have had is the one with my sister. I just recently lost her and now I am left with memories with her. At times we made a good team. In this particular case our pairing/grouping was just 2 people but when we got together we made suck an impact. I love and miss my sister a lot. When she would leave or I was the one leaving it was always hard to say goodbye. Not all groupings are work related.

            In the past when we had to have “termination rituals, or final get-togethers” (O’Hair, Wiemann, Mullin & Teven, 2015, p. 249), they were pot lucks, parties, or dinners. It seems like if things have to come to an end, it is best with food. I am all for that.

            As we adjourn from this master’s degree program, I hope that all my colleagues would finally meet and walk across that stage to collect our diplomas with dignity and grace. It will be a great moment to relish in our accomplishments. I did not walk across the stage when I graduated with my bachelors’ so for me personally, it will be an extra special moment. Dinner afterwards would be great too. Some kind of celebration, I hope.

            I believe that adjourning is an important part of teamwork because it is what solidifies the process. It is what gives it closure. When we don’t get that and just walk away, it could leave uncomfortable voids. However, by having adjourning and participating in a termination ritual then you know the job is done and we are free to move on with no regrets or questions.

O'Hair, D., Wiemann, M., Mullin, D. I., & Teven, J.  (2015). Real communication (3rd. ed). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

Nonviolent Communication, Conflict Management & Disagreements

I am no one special. Just like many, I encounter disagreements on a daily basis. Recently I encountered a disagreement with my mom during a very stressful time in our families lives. In her way to deal with the emotion she lashed out at me and got very angry. Because it is my mom, I was very torn about how I should move forward. I have known people in the past to just cut them loose regardless of who they are. Without going into details, I will say that I am very warranted if I so choose this route, however, it is not me and goes against my beliefs. So, I have chosen to evoke the strategy of Forgiveness. It is hard. “Forgiveness does not condone, excuse, or allow me to forget their transgressions or behavior, but it does allow me to reduce the reaction I choose to engage in” (O’Hair, Wiemann, Mullin, & Teven, 2015, p. 235). This strategy puts me in control and still allows me to live my life in a way that pleases me. I am choosing a nonviolent conversation to have with my mom. I am sure the relationship will be different from now on. I am sorry if you cannot relate, but I ask that you do not judge my decision, especially since I have not given total details. I have always said that I love my mom and will not always like her decisions but will always love her but the last disagreement we had crossed the line way more than any of you can comprehend. Also through the third side positioning, I sympathize with how she feels and understand that her behavior is based on how she is dealing with a personal family matter, however, I am going through it too, and as a way to collaborate with my mom, I will do what I can when and how I want to from now on (The Third Side, (n.d.). This may not please her but I have to do what pleases me.

          I have shared this situation with several people to include colleagues I trust and admire. They are in disbelief but understand my positioning. They also agree with my decision. I don’t want to stop communicating with my mom but see that I first have to forgive, perhaps walk away like a timeout, but still can communicate but in my time and terms. This is a hard decision for anyone to make. Emotions are high and can play into my decision. I have consulted several people as to what my path should be and this seems to be the best solution for my mind, spirit, soul, and emotions.

          When we disagree, we should take time to reflect, consult with someone and just talk it out with someone else. Their insight and outside perspective can be very helpful as to what should be your next step. I am glad that I have supportive people around me to help, cause I know if I had to make this decision alone it could be bad, wrong and regrettable. Nonviolent conversations are great but if emotions take over, it could no longer result in nonviolent. While we would all like to make compromises sometimes the opportunities are not always there. In every situation, the best solutions may not be the same each time.

References:

O'Hair, D., Wiemann, M., Mullin, D. I., & Teven, J. (2015). Real communication (3rd. ed). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

The Third Side. (n.d.). The third side. Retrieved from http://thirdside.williamury.com/